The Idiots Guide To Buying Lingerie

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It’s that manic time of year again, you know, that month that suddenly renders your credit card warped from the speed through which it’s gone through half a dozen cash points… And somehow, you’re left with gifts that are mundane, like vanilla, neither here nor there. We think it’s about time you considered spicing up your festive trappings and wrappings and, with Matilda’s Guide to Buying Lingerie for your Lover 101 on hand, there’s no excuse!

Of course the first thing to remember when buying lingerie for someone special is that it’s not about you. Your credit card and fantasies may be playing a big part in the purchase, but ultimately, it’s your lass who’s going to don the sexy lingerie. Essentially is she is a girly girl with a love for sugar and spice and all things pink, rubber vinyl and a matching ball gag may get you as far as the curb with a restraining order in pocket!

Secret Agent Mission: Scope out Lingerie

We recommend that you take note of what she likes to wear, which items are her favourite or which lingerie ads take her interest and which sexy lingerie appeals to her. Is she partial to body hugging corsets or frilly babydolls?

Cup size crisis? Simply venture a peek into the naughty lingerie drawer whilst the missus is taking a shower or flash a glance at the size label as you’re peeling off the layers! Although with the best intentions at heart, many a man has hit a sensitive nerve with their lady love when presenting some saucy lingerie which was either too small or too big! Check and then double check sizes and stay out of the dog box!

Keep in mind that not all women are one hundred percent proportionate. Just because your girl may be small on top does not mean things fare the same for her derriere! Some ladies, although modest in the bust department, may have a sizeable booty. Nothing kills romantic intentions more than alluding that your love’s bum is even bigger than you thought!

ASSTASTIC

G-strings, Thongs, Brazilians and Boy shorts, enough to distract a man in a heartbeat! But, do you know the difference between a thong and a g-string? Most importantly, what does your lover prefer? Simply ask yourself this: how much of her bottom can you normally see? Think back a little and you’re bound to find the answer! Is it:

Answer 1: All of it – she’s a fan of the sexy thong (You lucky man!)

Answer 2: None of it – she likes the fuller panties- Brazilian boy shorts, Ruffled Knickers

Answer 3: Her panties are being eaten by the bum monster – you’ve picked a G-string

BOOBALICIOUS

Time to figure out if your girl goes for padded, sheer or bikini style bras! Take some time out to admire (whilst actually making some mental notes) her bra the next time you get cosy. Yes, her bra guys, the bra! We’re not talking about taking in the sheer wonder of her cleavage here! If her breasts seem a bit larger than you remember from the last time she was in the buff, chances are she’s wearing a padded bra.

Now that you have the sizes and small details in check, it’s time to decide which style would suit your partner. You didn’t think sizes would be the end of it did you?

BUSTIERS OR BABYDOLLS? CHOICES, CHOICES, CHOICES!

The Hourglass

Features: We’re looking at bountiful busts and a waist that curves in to make way for the entrance of grabable booty!

Famous Hourglass Ladies: Shania Twain, Salma Hayek, Halle Berry and Sandra Bullock and the legendary Marilyn Monroe

What to buy her: Bustiers are going to look absolutely gorgeous. Shapely lingerie will accentuate curves in all the right places!

The Skittle

Features: We’re looking at an upper body average with a showcase derrière.

Famous Skittle Ladies: Jennifer Lopez, Shakira and Beyonce

What to buy her: What you’re after is either a babydoll or chemise number. This will promote her cleavage and subtly send out reminders of an irresistible bum!

The Lollipop

Features: The cup runneth over! Super busty with a slender waist and an average bottom.

Famous Lollipop Ladies: Uma Thurman, Susan Sarandon, and Angelina Jolie

What to buy her: A brassiere set that’s going to dress up “the girls” and give the derrière a means to join the eye candy party.

The Column

Features: The all over average! Bust, waist and bum pretty much in alignment! Also known as the more “athletic” figure type.

Famous Column Ladies: Cameron Diaz, Eva Longoria and Maria Sharapova

What to buy her: A camisole set is going to do turn your attention to her core assets by breaking up the view of her body into delectable bits… the cutest bum over there and… Oh! Have a look at that that pert bust over there…

The Apple

Features: All curves! The bust may be average, but we’re dealing with a curvy waist and a rubenesque derrière!

Famous Apple Ladies: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Drew Barrymore and Lorraine Kelly

What to buy her: A lingerie dress will make your beloved feel confident and accentuate her curves whilst detracting from her curvy waist which she may not love!

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